The Nuances of Cognitive Decline

I am learning on so many levels that neurodegenerative disease is not a black and white issue. My symptoms come and go with little logic or reason. These subtle changes take many forms. 

One day I seem to have little forgetfulness, until I realize that I double booked myself for a weekend retreat and a family visit at the same time because I forgot to put either event on my calendar. This calls for a deeper level of flexibility, patience, and self-compassion from my day-to-day self. To take a breath and work with unreliability as a new friend is humbling.

Even my responses to these changes have many shades of gray and can’t be pinned down or narrowed into a particular category. Sometimes I have a sudden sinking feeling of dread in my gut, and other times, I can laugh it off as if it doesn’t really matter. This is a disease of subtleties, especially in the beginning phase. I know that with time, the subtlety builds into a crescendo we label as dementia. But right now, I am grateful for my awareness of the nuances of this early process and my ability to apply patience and self-compassion, at least some of the time.